Random Tid Bits

1. A little update on Isaak: He's done homework all this week with no meltdowns. YAY! I think he's going to be ok.
   
   We do need to work on speeding up with everything. How does one do this? Going to a Therapist will take away from his classes, and homework time. He could use someone to talk to, but doesn't need to be taken away from his responsibilities when he's slow with his work already. He's just a slow moving kid with eating, testing, homework, and getting dressed. He's fast with his brain skills, and sports. He catches his own mistakes in Math. He doesn't always follow directions. Last night he did two pages of math that took all night. Towards the end he said, "I think I was just supposed to do even problems." I'd love to say he learned his lesson, but he did this last year too. I wanted to hug him for his efforts, and shake him for not knowing this.


2. I did read this article 5 Reasons to Let Your Sensitive Boy Remain Sensitive. It totally is Isaak.


Isaak's Drawing:



3. I'm so worried about a student we have! I think I'm the only one worried about her. In first year she was a firecracker. Full of energy, fun, outgoing, but never held still.
   
   She's now in third year. She's stand-offish with everyone, hasn't posted on social media at all when she usually does, doesn't show up to her classes, and there's talk that she's hanging out with really sketchy people doing drugs and drinking. I've told all the higher ups. I haven't heard anything back from them. I did do my last ditch effort to contact her. I messaged her on FB, and she did message me back. I know she's at least alive. Maybe not well, but alive. I told her that we have resources to help her, and that if she needs someone to listen I have a good ear. That's really all I can do.
    
4. We have a busy weekend planned. I won tickets to go to Rocky Horror Picture Show Live from a FB entry with my ENT's office of all places. Travis and I are doing that on Sunday.
   
   

   

   Source

5. Travis' boss gave him two tickets to see Kansas. I had to ask, "The band, or somewhere in Kansas?" I thought the band was nonexistent now. Travis assured me the band. They only have two tickets, so I asked if it's ok that he take Mica. Mica's never been to a concert - ever.
   
   Then I'll take Isaak and a friend somewhere.
   
   

   

   Source

A Plethora of Empathy

Story Time:

I may have already told this story, so if you've heard it before skip on ahead.

Once upon a time when I was in 5th or 6th grade my Dad mentioned that the school he worked for was having a skating party. My younger sister and I liked to skate. We were happy to go.

One of my Dad's students decided to use my Dad to stop themselves. I really doubt she tried to make him fall. My Dad wasn't too happy with her when he did fall. He threw his arms out, and broke both elbows at once.

Instead of having a staff member drive him home, or ask to use a photo to call a friend or family member to take him to the hospital, he decided to drive home.

On the way home I had to help make turns. The whole time he pounded out cuss words. Every turn, every bump it was, "Fu**!"

I think I only roller skated a few times after that. When I first had to drive I wasn't all that excited.

That happened right before Christmas. My Dad finished painting a painting for my Grandpa he had started with his mouth. Whenever someone complains that they can't paint I think of this story.

Fast Forward to Today:

There's been a few times where the boys wanted to go to skate parties with their elementary school. I've always hated going. I picture one of my kiddos falling like my Dad did on both elbows.

You'd think they'd catch on how to skate, but Mica lacks coordination. He looks a bit like Gumby. Yep made of clay, and barely moves. The poor boy happened to see 4 or more people from his elementary class, and they can skate good.

Gumby was found here.

Isaak's gone skating more than Mica, but is rocky at first. After 10 minutes he's going pretty good.

A Plethora of Empathy:

One thing Isaak was born with is lots of empathy.

He was always around his brother and cousins (because Travis, my sister and mom and dad took turns watching them). Since Isaak was the youngest he was treated unfairly. Once Isaak was big enough to defend himself - he wouldn't put up with unfairness. He'd stand up for himself. There were some people in my family that saw Isaak as the trouble maker. I didn't see it this way though. Isaak was so sweet, but if anyone crossed him watch out! He just stood up for himself.

This carried on into school. Kids that befriend him, and his friends are treated with such respect. Isaak's the best friend anyone could have. If anyone crosses him, or his friends watch out! He's been in 3 small fights this year alone. The crazy thing is, is that I'm not worried about it. I find out what the fight was about, and it's justified. Some kid pushed Isaak or one of his friends, and Isaak pushed back. No one has gotten hurt. Isaak won't let bullies, bully him or his friends around.

To be honest I wish I had more Isaak in me. He's my sweet and sour kid. I wish everyone would have more Isaak in them! We'd have a world full of empathy, and fairness.

A little girl showed up to the skate rink that has never skated before. She's had medical issues her entire life. An NG tube, a G button, lots of meds, and hospital stays. I don't know the extent of her medical conditions. I don't even know her family situation. I've seen a lady come to conferences for her. She has 3 other kids that have special needs with her. Something tells me that she's a foster child. I have no clue.

Once she was taking off her coat, and her shirt pulled up. A punk that Isaak has gotten in a fight with said, "Ewww gross! Your stomach is the nastiest thing I've ever seen!" Isaak was pissed!

Isaak befriended this girl. She is nice. They both love to write. So much so, that they were bombing writing class. Not because their work wasn't good, but because they took so long to do it. They both add in lots of details in their writing! No worries we got Isaak up to an A by having him work on writing at home.

Isaak said, "Oh my friend is here. She's never skated before Mom. I'm going to make sure she's ok, and skate with her." I nearly started crying when I saw them together. The little girl said to Isaak, "Isaak my sister may make fun of me if she sees you skating with me." Isaak said, "Don't worry about it. You need help, so I'm here for you."

They aren't the BEST pictures, but I love them!

I didn't mind seeing the boys skate that night. It was like a breath of fresh air. 

Do you think we need more empathy in the world? 

My Only Elementary Schooler

It's kind of odd that only Isaak is going to elementary school this year.

Everything seems foreign with middle school. The principle still hasn't gotten back to me from an email I sent last week. An email I sent the vice principle bounced back to me. Travis called last week to find out that they don't have a supply list, bus schedules went out on Friday, and back to school night is on the 15th.

I looked over Isaak's supply list. I was ready to go fork over a lot of money just to find out that I bought a ton of supplies when Shop-Ko (a store similar to Walmart) closed down. Score for me.

Isaak got Miss Nelson for a teacher. I don't know either teacher, so I have no opinions either way. We had to laugh because of the children's book, Miss Nelson is Missing. If you're unfamiliar with the story the nice Miss Nelson goes missing and comes back as mean Miss Viola Swamp to basically get her student body to act more appropriately.

Travis texted Isaak's friend Ben's Mom to see what class he got. Ben is Isaak's friend from Argentina. He got the other class. I was really heartbroken for Ben more than Isaak. Isaak will make or have friends in either class. Ben doesn't know very much English. Last year Isaak communicated with Ben through gestures, and drawings. 

Every day Isaak was excited about something he taught Ben, or something that Ben taught him. One day Isaak said he was humming the Indiana Jones theme song, and found out that Ben knew it too! That amazed Isaak. 

His teacher last year said that Isaak would stand up to show Ben it was time to get in line. He'd put his hands in his pockets when it was time to be quiet. 

For the first time in my life I felt like crying for someone else's kid, that I didn't even know. 

Could you imagine going to another country at the age of 9, and not know much of what they were saying? Ben connected with Isaak, and now they are going to be split apart. 

Argentina's government is really messed up, and they moved right before Trump was elected. I just can't imagine how they feel. If I were in their shoes I'd feel unwelcomed, unwanted, and confused. 

I wrote a letter to the principle on behalf of Benjamin. I said everything I felt. I ended it with saying something like: Please get their teacher from before - her input. He wrote back saying that their teacher from before suggested the switch. 

When I mentioned to Isaak that they were going to have different teachers (after I knew for sure) he said, "I know Mom. It's probably because we talk too much!" I asked, "How can you talk too much to someone that barely speaks English?" He said, "He speaks enough Mom." 

My emotions took over the situation. I felt all this empathy for this kid I don't really know. My kid duped me.

We took a trip to Iowa to go school shopping. Iowa had no sales tax much of the weekend. 

Mica got some new pants at Rue 21 that's closing. $19 for 3 pair of pants isn't too shabby! We got shoes at Kohl's. Some school supplies, or things we needed we got at Target. 

Mica's all into being appropriate. When we ate at Burger King, Mica did not care for Isaak wearing a paper crown. Mica, "Isaak that's embarrassing!" So I put one on. Then heard Mica and Travis say, "You're not really going to wear that?!" I acted like I was going to, but took it off.

Are you still friends with anyone you were friends with in elementary school? 

Instilling Empathy

One of my goals as a parent was to make sure my kids felt empathetic towards others. 

I think it's safe to say that they both are empathetic towards friends, teachers and family too. They still have "me" time, which is important as well.

Looking back, that's kind of an odd goal. Seeing how some people are towards one another today it's a great parent goal to have though.

Mica is very self directed. For awhile I think Isaak could have be pushed down, and Mica would not of even noticed. I think that's why Isaak's both sweet and sour. If he's played with he's sweet. If Isaak's messed with - watch out!

Isaak has a harder time taking "me" time than Mica does. He relies on others to make him happy.

I make my kids play together at times.

Mica pulled this thing last year where he didn't want to play outside with Isaak. I had to push him out the door. Then Isaak would come in and say, "Mica won't play with me because he's pretending that he's blind and deaf." I had to go to the door and yell out, "MICA play with your brother! Stop pretending to be blind and deaf!" Mica would yell back, "You told me to play. I'm playing!" I'd yell back, "Play superheroes, basketball, or throw a ball back and forth, but don't play blind and deaf!" The neighbor's probably thought we were crazy!

This year they go outside with boxing gloves, or foam light sabers and fight. It's their form of play. I'm just glad Mica will go outside with Isaak.

Reading:

I checked out the book Wonder for the 2nd time. Mica read it once already. Now Mica and I are taking turns reading it to Isaak. Isaak will read to us too. It's just that the book is a little long for Isaak. Plus he's still not sure what he thinks about books without pictures.

If you've never read Wonder it's a must read! By the end of the book you'll have empathy towards Auggie - a boy that has face deformities, his sister, his friend, and even Julian - the boy that bullies him.

Source

The book is so different because the author R. J. Palacio gives the reader the perspective of each main character. I've almost started crying 2 or 3 times, while reading it. 

Wonder is being turned into a full length movie starring Julia Roberts and Owen Wilson, which play Auggie's parents. 

Isaak's seems to be enjoying the book!

I had an odd thought this weekend. 

Do you believe that we're all born innately good? I do. I think we're born without prejudice, and biases. Possibly all those that are miserable, murder, threaten, and society labels as "evil" were once good.

Maybe all those that struggle deeply in this thing called "life" were abused/traumatized some time. I'm not say all criminals were were abused. If you look at criminal's backgrounds I bet you anything that the majority were traumatized verbally, physically, and/or sexually. Many were probably in foster care, and a lot were raised by a single worn out parent.

I'm not saying that we should let evil acts go. One that has gone through abuse could pick themselves back up, and make a go at life, while others don't have it in them. I'm just saying that I wish that the negative cycle in some families would stop.

Possibly maybe that one kid in that family just needed a good friend, someone that would stand up for him or here, mentor or teacher in their life that changed that negative cycle into a positive one.

What are your thoughts on showing empathy towards others?

Oh Zeek!

I don't know what the deal is, but this year has been an emotional one for Isaak AKA Zeek.

He had the whole marker incident happen at school. Where punk kids took the markers we donated removed the caps and stomped on them. He was pretty upset about that. So much so that he had to go talk to the councilor. For the record that was the first time in history he was sent to talk to the councilor. It wasn't because he was violent; just upset.

Then he forgot his homework one night last week. He cried hard for an hour thinking that he was going to get in trouble. He didn't get in trouble. I told him that we all make mistakes. It's not something he does regularly. I've left my laptop at home when I had to teach. Travis has left his wallet at home when he went out. It happens.

He's been having problems with one so called friend. I blogged about this problem already. I keep thinking that he and this kid will just get over their problems someday. I don't even care if this kid is someone he wants to stop liking. We don't have to like everyone. It's just that this kid is in his circle of friends. I fear that if Isaak continues to hold a grudge he'll be the one that's left out of that circle. So far this hasn't happened yet.

Back story: The kid laughed when Isaak fell way back in August. Isaak fell hard, and can't shake that this kid laughed at him when he was hurt. He never apologized. To make matters worse the kid kept telling Isaak, "I only need two friends, and you're not one of them."

Isaak is not one that forgets easily. Things come up that happened a year ago - like they were yesterday.

Do I expect Isaak and this kid to be best friends? No. I wouldn't want to be best friends with a kid that laughed at me, or was rude to me either.

Their teacher decided to have them not talk for 2 or 3 days, and then see how things went. Those days have come and gone. The little boy came up to Isaak at the Fall Festival on Friday to say, "Isaak have you seen so and so?" Isaak shrugged his shoulders. He refused to talk to him.

I said, "Isaak it's been past 2 or 3 days. You can talk to him now."

Isaak said, "Or I can just continue to not talk to him."

I said, "Isaak you don't have to be best friends with him. Don't go out of your way to talk to him, but don't be rude when he comes to talk to you."

Isaak said, "Or I can just continue to not talk to him. He's mean to me."

I said, "Yes his actions were rude. Maybe he doesn't know how to act when someone falls. I think it's funny when I fall. I'm not sure why I do. Sometimes I laugh when I feel like crying just because my emotions are all mixed up."

Later on that night I found out the kid's parents are having problems. I didn't bring this up to Isaak. I don't want rumors to start at school. Another friend's grandparent told me that. His Mom has leaned on her to watch him many times over the last month.

I let Isaak think about what I said.

The next day I had another talk with Isaak. I told him about a story from when I was little:

One day I was over at my best friend's house. All the sudden she got a call from neighbor friends to go swimming with them. She wanted to go. Her sister told her it was rude. She didn't care. I left very sad.

The next day she called me up to see if I could play. I said, "No you're not my friend anymore." 

I wish I knew how we made up. I think she apologized, and all was forgiven. 

Do you ever think that maybe things happen in the past on purpose just so you can pass those stories along for the future?

Maybe my friend is telling her kid a story about something I did to her to teach him a lesson.

Isaak said, "I know where you're going with this... I'm not going to be best friends with so and so." He's good with connecting the dots.  

I said, "I don't expect you to be best friends with him." The point is... is that the friend of mine that went to the swimming pool over hanging out with me made a mistake. We all make mistakes. If you ask her, she'll have stories about me. Things that I did that made her feel bad. She's still my friend today." I showed him pictures on facebook. I told him, "Even you have hung out with my friend's son."

I said, "Sometimes it's not about forgiving. It can be. Often times it's about being the bigger, better person by letting negative things go. Just know that people make mistakes." As I said that I was thinking about adults that don't deal with negative people at all, and write them out of their lives. I get that too. I just know kids make more mistakes hopefully than adults do. 

Conferences are this week. We may get some things solved there. Even the councilor is usually there. I may talk with her about this friend conflict. 

Isaak's always had a plethora amount of empathy. When I told him I had to go into work one evening he wanted to know why. I told him that my boss's mom had passed away. How I had to cover for him. He nearly started to cry.

To think one of my co-workers raised 5 boys and 2 girls. He told me, "Alissa you're going to love having boys. They let stuff go; when girls do not. There isn't drama with boys." Boy was he wrong about boys letting things go, and not having drama. He was right about something, I love my boys.

Instilling Empathy

My kids are pretty good kids. They eat what is given to them, go to bed when they are told to, they do better in school than my husband and I did, and they help out around the house when asked.

Sure they have their downfalls:

Mica at times rushes with homework, 1/2 cleans his room when he's told to clean his room, doesn't like going outside to play, and at times isn't empathetic towards Isaak.

Isaak has a hard time being self directed, has a sweet and sour personality - when the sour happens watch out, is dramatic, and is sensitive.

When Mica was itty bitty I worried that he lacked empathy. I only felt this way because he wasn't empathetic towards his brother.

Isaak was more saturated with it. His feelings would get hurt so easily.

I know that instilling empathy is important.

I saw Mica as more the kid that would pick on others, and Isaak as more the kid that would be bullied.

Boy was I wrong! 

Mica helped and continues to help other kids in school. He's a true leader.

Last week a fellow safety patrol member was being picked on. No one would let him back into the school. Regardless of what others thought of him, Mica let the boy back into school. I was so happy that Mica stood up for the kid; when no one else would.

Mica's still not perfect with his little brother, but he's better.

When we went to the school's open house I saw that someone from Isaak's class was sitting all alone at a table. She looks different because she has some medical problems. She has an NG feeding tube. I know that she's been in and out of the hospital. I asked Isaak, "Why is that little girl sitting there all alone?" Isaak said, "I don't know Mom. A lot of people in class say she smells, and looks funny. They won't hang out with her. I talk with her. I invited her to my birthday party, but she couldn't come because she was in the hospital. I made sure her brother got one of my birthday treats to give to her." The treat was the book, The Secret Garden. I had to turn away from Isaak. Travis asked, "What's wrong?" I couldn't talk because tears were starting to flow down my face. I was trying to turn off my emotions.

I wanted so bad to make that little girls problems go away. I wanted to tell Isaak's teacher about how this little girl is treated. I couldn't say anything. The little girl was right there in the classroom the same time we were in there. Instead I complimented her on how pretty her dress was.

I teach college aged kids/adults. At an art school where everyone is a little off there's generally a few that are more off than others. Sometimes the students are accepting, while other times they aren't. I do my best to include all of them in discussion. I have lectures about creative minds - how we are different, and how that's ok. I tell them that the world we be a pretty boring place if we were all the same.

Teaching Empathy:

How does one teach it? How do you instill something that's a feeling?

According to the New York Times:

1. Empathize with your child and model how to feel compassion for others.

At home I a lot of times would talk about how I didn't like how this student or that student was being treated. 

I've discussed with Mica and Isaak that we don't know where other kids come from. Their backgrounds are all different. I showed them a powerful video called ReMoved. It was about a kid in the foster care system. I said, "If it's too much for you, I'll turn it off and we'll talk about it." 

2. Make caring for others a priority and set high ethical expectations.

This may sound bad, but I make Mica play with Isaak outside. 

They have to do things at times like pick up garbage at a park with me, and rake up a neighbor's leaves with Travis. 

3. Provide opportunities for children to practice.

It helps that they have a cousin that does in fact have special needs.

4. Expand your child’s circle of concern.

Our boys got accepted and go to Banister Leadership Academy. There are lot of kids there that have single parents, troubles in school, and so on. I'm not saying I want our kids to be around bad kids. I just want them to have a chance to be role models. 

This is a touchy one. If your kids are left to defend themselves against bullies they could get in trouble themselves. In my opinion they also need to know that it is ok to walk away if they feel unsafe. 

5. Help children develop self-control and manage feelings effectively.

We're still working on this. Kids react differently. I've gotten Isaak to stop writing on his bedroom walls. ;) 

Overall I see a lack of empathy in our society as a whole. 

I hear about teachers wanting to get transferred to a better area of town, so they don't have to deal with all the behavior problems. Once they transfer, they still have behavior problems in the new "better" school. 

Most parents work 40 hours a week. They're tired! There are more single parents out there than there every have been. They're even more tired!

Do you see a lack of empathy in our society overall as a whole? 

What are some ways you can think of to instill empathy? 

Random Tid Bits

1. There was one little boy that's parents apparently couldn't get him to Isaak's party last weekend. The little boy said, "Travis can I go with you to Isaak's party?" Travis replied with, "If your parents call to RSVP and ask, we'll take you." 
2. 
   This kid has parents that aren't on top of things. They have him call to invite himself over to our house. I feel bad for him. I so would have caved, and took him to the party. Travis on the other hand is like, "Ummm...no! His parents need to call and ask. We're liable for him." I'm like, "But it's not his fault his parents aren't all there." Poor kid! I feel for this kid. Are you a softy like me, or more stern like my husband?


3. Did you read that by taking Tylenol you kill the headache, or pain. You also kill that spot in your brain that empathy is at. If you don't believe me read about it in the Washington Post, Newsweek, Health Newsline, or just google it and you'll come up with a lot of other sources.
   
   I find it to be fascinating because I've talked for awhile now about how generations now seem less empathetic, and mean to one another.  


4. My mom had Polio when she was about the age of 4. Just a year or two later the vaccine came out. She's had to get 2 pair of shoes her whole life. One had to be built up because one side of her body is shorter than the other. Her foot got deformed as she aged because Polio attacks your body later in life much like you can get Shingles after having Chicken Pox. She had to get her ankle fused. Then her toe nails were full of fungus after her surgery. We're lucky she's not in a wheel chair, but it's not easy for her either.
   
   A break through has happened with Polio. On 60 Minutes they talked about how the Polio Virus can treat people with cancer. It kills cancer cells. It will take 3 to 5 years to make this happen. If it persists YAY! Polio has two sides: Good and Evil. 


5. I also read here that 3 farmers are suing Monsanto because they now have cancer. Roundup, which is blamed for bee population problems says on the bottle that it will kill weeds. It also says that it's safe for humans. Think again! 


6. After I contacted the kid's school about the girl that's been crushing on Mica for a few months - it was crazy! I just told the councilor what was going on, how she was giving him small toys, a flower in class, how she asked him for help on her Science Fair Project and Talent Show. I mentioned the 2 year age difference. For elementary age that's a lot. I told her that it's so close to the end of the year that they could just let it go, but how I wanted them to be aware of it. Keep in mind I've only contacted teachers/the school maybe 3 times the whole time the boy's have gone there. Not all the times were concerns.
   
   The councilor took it to the extreme: She was going to talk to Mica, to the girl, to their teachers, to the principle, and to the girl's parents.
   
   I'm like, "Really? It's not that big of a deal." It was in the school's hands, not mine. I didn't even email the councilor back. Maybe the girl's parents should know. I know, and I'm the other parent. I wouldn't have gone to that extreme though. I would have just talked to the kids, and if another situation came up then I would have gone a step further to resolve the situation.
   
   Travis was like, "I wouldn't of even contacted the school." Other people were telling me that I should. Mica was getting to the point where it was bothering him. I was torn.