They Go Low, You Go High

Isaak was big time bullied last week. To the point where I wanted to stomp right into his school and scream. Of course I didn't. But I wanted to. 

Two bullies kept calling him the “N” word in PE. Not a word we use ever. Anyhow after them repeating it all throughout gym class, he broke down crying, and took himself on over to the councilors office. I’ve been crying just thinking about it. He didn’t want to tell because he thought that would make things worse for him. I told him that if people asked why he was crying they are the good people. But if he didn’t want to talk about it, he could just tell them he got hurt. They don’t need to know it was his feelings that got hurt. He’s a freaking great kid, empathetic, and pretty good looking. Nice people get picked on. What the heck is wrong with people?! I told him to talk to his teachers, tell them what happened, and to watch for this repeat behavior. I’ll be emailing them as well. The “N” word should just never be used. I wasn’t going to say anything, but that just makes situation like this worse. We need to talk about shit shows. Bullies shouldn’t and can’t win.

Here’s something you don’t usually hear...artist types are often made fun of because we’re odd, different, look at the world differently. It’s not always a skin color, male vs female thing. Guess what? I’d rather be odd, and think outside the flipping box that non artist types make. 

I even grew up hearing my mom's side of the family say to me, "Oh you're just like your father!" Kind of in a snarky way. I know they love me. They appreciated him too. In a, You do so much for me kind of a way. When they needed landscaping help, he was there, he helped with my cousin's Boy Scout Troop, and way more. I may have been young, but I remember all that kind of stuff. I just don't remember my math facts, and academic stuff.

So I hung out with Isaak while he built a desk. He’s did an amazing job. When people are pushed down, they can rise up by building something.

Giving Back

My husband Travis works in a dental lab. One day last week an dentist that works with low income families came into the lab.

The owners to his lab were gone in Arizona, so it was the owner's daughter and Travis that talked with the dentist.
 
Apparently the dentist had a teacher that came in to talk to him. The teacher paid for one of her students to get some front teeth. The child's teeth were all mangled up. All throughout his childhood the kid got bullied for his teeth.

The teacher knew that if his teeth were fixed much of the bully behavior would stop.

Travis and his other co-worker agreed to take on the case. They wanted to get it done as soon as possible.

I was thinking the whole time, Why didn't this kid's family just go to Boy's Town Research Clinic? They are a nonprofit organization that works with kids with these types of problems all the time. I know because we had to go there with Mica when he was itty bitty. Thankfully Mica is fine. I'm assuming this little boy's family didn't go there because they were low income, and didn't know about Boy's Town Research Clinic. Sometimes people are too proud to get help also.

The boy got his teeth. Everyone in the dentist office cried. The lab Travis worked at were praised. For the first time in a long time the little boy smiled.

This all started with a teacher that cared. It's amazing how much teachers give at times.

The Bully on the Bus Goes Round and Round

Day 3 of Camp:

Isaak went to get on the bus to go home. He noticed his cousin Elijah was towards the back of the bus. That was the only spot left.  He sat down. There was a kid that was licking his fingers and flinging his fingers at them to hit them. 

Isaak said, "Why are you being mean to us? We didn't do anything to you!" 

The Bully said, "You looked at me. That's what you did." 

Isaak said, "We can stop this right now, start over, and be friends."

My nephew Elijah just hit him back.

This happened their whole bus ride home. 

Isaak came home, and told me about it. 

I gave him a few tips to deal with this jerk:

1. Sit towards the front of the bus, by the bus driver. The punk wouldn't dare to sit up there.
2. Sit next, in front, or behind Mica and Evan (both their older siblings). 
3. Yell, "Stop it!" to get other people's attention. 

If I would have thought about it, I should have told Isaak to fill his water bottle up before leaving, and accidentally pour it on this kid if he picks on him again. 

I did tell Isaak that this kid probably got picked on, or was treated bad by his parents. Possibly he was ignored all together. Some people feed off negative attention. Regardless there's no excuse for him to act that way.

Travis is going to try and talk to this the Bully and his parent. We just don't know if their drop off is in the same spot as our kids.

How do you deal with punks like this when you were little?

I was diplomatic like Isaak. I was pretty shy and quiet. Yes people liked to pick on me.

At least this jerk doesn't go to school with my kids! 

*Update: Travis didn't talk to the kid, or his parents. He has a different pick up and drop off. Travis, Isaak, my nephew Elijah, and my sister Terra all talked to the camp leader on the bus. She's going to report the incident to the camp director. Even if nothing happens at least something was said.

Mom Fail!

I'll tell you a little story about my Mom fail of the week. 

Isaak had a little problem with a slight bully issue last week. I blogged about it already, but just a quick recap a group of boys were doing something in the bathroom they were not supposed to be doing. Isaak told the teacher. At recess the same group of boys chased after him saying, "Its payback time!" He told an aid, but she was unaware of what had happened previously. She told Isaak to just ignore this group of kids that were after him.

I emailed his teacher because I thought she should know the other side to the story in case the silly situation, that got more serious got worse. This was only my 2nd email to her all year. It took her a few days to check her email. I was thinking she A) Never got the email. or B) Didn't care. 

She both emailed and called me on Friday to say that it would be resolved on Monday. 

Isaak came home Monday and said, "Mom three kids were brought into an office to apologize to me. Damarious didn't do anything wrong. It was Damarion." 

I got the wrong kid in trouble. 

Knowing my son he probably didn't say anything to the person in charge. Like, "He wasn't the one that was after me it was Damarion." 

Instead he told me. He said, "Mom you got Damarious in trouble. He didn't do anything to me."

I felt crappy. The situation was long since passed. I wanted to forget about it. I couldn't. At 4 AM I popped out of sleep, was wide awake, and decided to write his teacher a note. I know now that his teacher doesn't check her email every day. I hand wrote how I messed up, and told her the wrong kid's name.

In my own defense the teacher should have known the kids in on this. She knew the first part to this story. Travis was the one that gave me the names. Technically I'm not the only one that messed up. I should have asked Isaak the names one more time before hitting send on that email. 

I do take the blame. 

Who has a Damarious and a Damarion in the same freaking class? My son does.

I guess when I was little there was an Alicia, a Melissa, and me Alissa all in one class.

Damn that's confusing!

I saw his teacher at the Art and Music Festival and apologized once again. It didn't seem to bother her as much as it bothered me. 

My waking up at 4 AM in the morning really made me feel like a zombie that day.

I couldn't get it off my mind because I thought about this innocent kid getting in trouble not just in school, but possibly by his parents. Some parents are really hard on their kids, while others are not. 

The scene from The Christmas Story came to my mind where Ralphie rats on a friend that supposedly told him the f$@# word when really it was his own Dad. His friend beat by his Mom. My heart melted for him.
 
What's something you've messed up on?

Bully Much?

Isaak came home worked up yesterday. 

He said, "Mom I have to tell you something." 

I said, "What is it?" 

He said, "Some kids were doing things in the boy's bathroom doing things that they weren't supposed do. They were climbing on this wall in there. I told them to stop. Then I went, and told my teacher.

Later at recess the same group of kids started chasing me saying, 'It's payback time!'

Luckily I'm a pretty fast runner, and they just couldn't catch up to me. I told a teacher. She told me to just ignore them."

Mica said, "Isaak you should have found me. I would have gone up to all of them and said, 'Leave my brother alone!' Since I'm older I would have made them listen to me."

I was surprised that those words came out of Mica's mouth. The boy tries to ignore Isaak as much as humanly possible. 

My older sister was the same way, mean to me at home, and cool as a cucumber to me at school. *Except for the one day she decided to hold my hand, and pretend we were an item just to piss me off, and embarrass me. That's a different story.

I said, "Who's the teacher you talked to on the playground?" Isaak didn't know. I said, "Mica can you go get your Yearbook, so Isaak can point out the teacher he talked to." We figured out it was an aid that we also don't really know. I wrote down her name, and the kid's names to email his teacher what had happened. 

Our night got busy, and I forgot. Mom Fail! Then I remembered today. The teacher was emailed. I redeemed myself.

This is only the 2nd time I've emailed her all year. 

I don't go running to the teachers every time something happens at school, but I do want to let them know the whole story with things. Then everyone's on the same page. I especially hate when one of my son's are doing something respectful, and to the rules, and punk kids are being bullies.

Let's face it the lack there of respect in this world is going downhill. If I can raise my kids to be honest, respectful, and responsible I'm a happy camper. I'm not saying that they should be snitches all the time either. They however do know right from wrong. 

On the upside one kid is in Kids Club that Mica says could go down the wrong path. His words - not mine. I said, "Mica everything happens for a reason. Maybe this boy needs someone like you in his life. Mica said, "You know you're right Mom."

How a Good Day Can Turn Cold Day

Saturday was in the 70's and Sunday was in the 30's temperature wise. I'm not looking forward to winter. There's part of a reason why I went to grad school in the south.

The boys were great Saturday morning. We ran an errand. They were good there. They came back home and helped me bake and clean. They were wonderful little souls.

So wonderful that I let them watch a movie. Their choice was Home Alone. I didn't think at all about Isaak's separation anxiety. Yep that was a Mommy fail! They still liked the movie.

Mica got to call a friend to come over to play. There's a little story to this. The boy that plays with Mica all the time isn't as accepting as Mica is. Another little boy was trying to play with them and Mica said, "Sure you can play with us." The other boy said, "No you can't play with us." Then Mica grilled the unaccepting boy a little about how other kids can play with them. I'm proud of Mica for that. I told him that if his friend was like that again how he should just play with the kid that wants to join in and his friend can choose to be accepting or not. The kid Mica wanted to come over was the one that was left out. I just want to hug kids that are left out. It's such a tough world we live in today. My nephew that is 4 said, Why are those guys bullies." What was he talking about? Politician's on TV. That's what our kids see. That's what we're supposed to have them look up to. Mica called the kid and just got an answering machine, which lead to heartbreak. I left a message. Mica kept saying, "When is he going to call back?" and "Why won't he call me?" I kept saying, "I don't know honey."

Later on we found out that our land line phone was in use for 3 hours. It was off the hook and I couldn't find the phone. Mica was carrying it around while I was vacuuming, so he wouldn't miss a call back from his friend. The FIND button on the phone wouldn't work because it was in use. Mica searched high and low for the missing in use phone. He wanted my help. I was making dinner by that time. When he searches for things, he pretty much walks in circles expecting the missing object to hit him in the face. When Daddy got home he found the phone right away. Mica tried calling his buddy one more time and got another answering machine.

Isaak was laid down at 2:30. I know the boy is weaning from naps. He was a grouch. When he's a grouch he is a pain to Mica. He was just throwing things, trying to shoot Mica's stuff with Mica's Nerf Gun. He went from a good helper and sweet kid to a punk and a 1/2. Down he went. Things were quiet. I thought he fell asleep. :)

Then I heard noise.

Here's what Isaak's room used to look like:

 Close ups of my paper birds and paper puppy I made:

Cute right? Well it doesn't look like this anymore! :(  Isaak's long since peeled the middle part of the tree up. Yesterday he tore the owl off his wall and I found it on the ground. The nest was about to get tore up and I caught him red handed. I yelled loudly, held his face in my hands and said sternly, "You don't do that!" and off to timeout he went. He doesn't get the owl or the tree back. If he doesn't want a cute room that's his problem.


Later on I found by the puppy on the wall "Isaak" with all the letters backwards in pencil. He knows how to write his name the correct way. He was just experimenting. Then he colored in the open part  puppies tail on the wall; again with pencil. 

Do you or have you ever gotten so annoyed with your kids that you don't know what to do? He didn't want to nap, so he ransacked his room instead. I was so mad! I wish this was a scenario like when Mica slammed his door; where I could remove the door for awhile. Not so easy. His decor is about to fully come down though. I'm sick of him peeling at his tree and destroying his cute room. Part of me wishes I would have painted a mural on his wall. Then he would have peeled the paint more than likely. I don't know if I wish for him to have anything, "cute" in his room when he destroyed all that I put into it. Maybe it was more for me than him. I'm about to rip it all down and he gets just bare walls. I don't think that would punish him enough. He'd probably like having nothing on his walls. Maybe I'll take 1/2 his toys away. I need ideas here. A punishment that would make him wish he didn't do that.

One of my friends on FB just posted that her son's been peeling paint off their wall. I remember babysitting a kid that ransacked her whole house in the middle of the night. I suppose I should be thankful it wasn't that bad. It is the first time anyone has colored on our walls. It was in pencil. I won the tree, so I didn't pay for it. I'm trying to look at all the positives that are in the situation. I'm still ticked off.

Last Night We Watched This Movie:

The Karate Kid. For a long time, I didn't want to see the movie. I just thought it was silly that they would make a movie off of another movie that was so good already. I've heard excellent things about it; and gave it a chance. It's not at all the the others. I just don't understand why they didn't call it: The Kung Fu Kid?

Image found here.

It was a good movie! I think Jaden Smith is a great actor! He's looking more and more like his Daddy, Will Smith!

The movie did get me worked up a bit. This is good. A movie should make you feel something. I just hate how some kids are treated in schools. Bullies can be really bad. I was glad the main character had someone that could help train him to stand his ground.

Besides the bully issue, I felt bad that this kid had to move to China. Imagine the impact of having to move to another school, the language barrier and custom changes to boot!

I was so glad it ended happily!