I Don't Want to Hold Your Hand

This last weekend the boys were not getting along. Isaak pretty much begs for Mica's attention. Mica won't give him the time of day.

At home Isaak was trying to show Mica a Lego construction he built. After Isaak begged Mica a few times, Mica finally came in the room. He took one look at what Isaak was proud of and said, "That's not a big deal." and walked away. I call for Mica to come to me. Then I made him sit in time out, write an apology letter to Isaak, and he had to play with him. I know siblings fight, but this is a common happening.

Mica's lack there of, of caring, carries over to other things as well. He's popular in school, so he must care there. We've observed that he lets doors go instead of holding them open for people. I would blame it on age, but Mica's generally careless about others, and Isaak's the opposite. Isaak's too sensitive.

Isaak once made Mica a card, and then Isaak handed it to me saying, "Mica doesn't want this. Will you take this?"

I'd like for Mica to at least pretend to be thankful, and not hurtful. I know kids are honest. Instilling in him that you shouldn't be so honest that you hurt others is important to.

Isaak's not perfect all the time either. He likes to push people's buttons. He whines to try and get attention. Gee I wonder why he does that?

Isaak's been having nightmares where Mica can't see him, or hear him. Then he wakes up and sees lights, and hears odd noises. I feel bad for the little guy.

Later that day in the car the boys were fighting. When we got out, I made them hold hands. 

I'm seriously thinking of getting one of those big adult shirts for them to wear as one, and make them do chores together that way.

One good bonding thing that I've gotten Mica to do is read books to Isaak before bed time.

Our boys have similar interests, but such different personalities. Isaak's more me. Mica's more Daddy. They both have my warped sense of humor.

If you have kids, are they very different from one another, or very similar?

Discipline

I have to admit I was kind of nervous about Isaak's behavior lately. He's in a funk right now.

I've had a lot of emails come through today. Some saying, "My kid is experiencing the same thing!", others are saying, "45 minutes of crying?!" and a few saying that they think I handled the situation well.

Discipline is hard now a days. It used to be that adults didn't much talk to their kids. They popped them on the butt. Everyone went their separate ways.

Now if you are caught spanking a child people A) Applaud you, B) Stare you down, or  C) Call the cops on you.

There are many discipline techniques out there. That's what makes it so much more confusing. Some use "Time Outs", some use "Tough Love", some use "Talk it Out" and I'm sure there is more. In this generation parents are judged.

I have two co-workers that spanked their kids. Their kids are now teenagers. One has 7 kids, one has 3 kids. I don't spank. Do I think their kids are going to grow up to have issues? Not really. Their kids seem pretty normal to me. They on the other hand most certainly judge me for not spanking. They say, "Spanking just ends it. You spend too much time dinking around with techniques that take too long to discipline. I usually go my own way.

Today I was telling them about Isaak and Mica at the grocery store last night and Isaak's crying episode two nights ago. One of my co-workers said, "Good for you!" My mouth just about dropped. Usually I hear, "I'd just pop them one!" I said, "I feel bad..." One said, "Don't feel bad." I said, "No I don't feel bad for putting them to bed so early and missing out of the Y. I feel bad for them acting like jack butts to begin with."

One said, while the other shook their head up and down, "They will test you over and over again. Usually there is space of time where they won't and a time where they will again. It's part of growing up. They are just testing their boundaries. You're doing a good job of letting them know their behavior isn't acceptable by taking them home instead of letting them go to the Y."

One said, "I think it's wonderful they went home and admitted they did wrong at the grocery store instead of blaming you for not being able to go to the Y." 

The other one went on to say, "I like that time Travis took Mica's bedroom door away for slamming it. I would of just popped my son one, but you guys were a little more creative with the punishment."

I feel better knowing that they don't think of me as a piece of carpet that my kids are walking on. Not that their opinions matter a whole lot, but it's nice to know that they aren't talking behind my back about me being a horrible mom or something. Do you ever feel like you are being judged as a parent?

Yesterday We Had to Get Out of the Pool

Isaak and I went to go swimming at the Y last night. Isaak was throwing a ball back and forth with me. Then he accidentally hit a guy in the head with the ball.

The poor guy had a look of slight anguish on his face.

I know Isaak didn't mean to hit the guy. He just doesn't have very good aim.

I said, "Isaak you need to apologize."

Silence...

I said, "Isaak I know you didn't mean to hit him in the head with the ball, but you still need to apologize."

Silence...

I said, "Isaak if you don't apologize we are getting out of the pool."

Silence...

I apologized to the guy and his father. Did I mention that the guy is mentally challenged. That made the situation harder for me. Harder to communicate, harder for him to understand that a 4 year old didn't mean to hit him.

Then we got out.

I explained to Isaak that we didn't get out because he accidentally hit the guy in the head with a ball. We got out because he refused to apologize. I went on to say, "You have to apologize if you hurt someone; even if you didn't mean to hurt them."

I know Isaak is shy when it comes to strangers. He's the type of kid that doesn't want to play on the playground if he doesn't know anyone else playing.

Swimming - Isaak Sat Out

Last night we wanted to go swimming at the Y. We've been having a lot of problems with Isaak doing what we ask him to do. I think I said, "Take your clothes off!" five times. I even said a motivator, "We're going swimming!" in there. He likes to swim. Well little man sat around and threw his shirt at Mica, played and wouldn't strip down.

Daddy walks over and says in my ear, "Isaak's not going swimming tonight." It was time to leave {this was way later} and Isaak says, "I don't have my swimming suit on." I said, "Well you are not going swimming tonight." He wells up with tears and says, "But you didn't get my swimming suit on!"

We all went swimming and Isaak sat out. He whined and carried on at first. I was thinking I'd need to get out of the pool to take him home. No one else needs to listen to a cranky kid! Daddy took him in the locker room, had a talk and he seemed fine. Then we got a few books out of the swimming bag for him to look at.

How else do we as parents enforce that we are serious? He's almost four and is perfectly capable of striping his clothes off. Even if he would of asked me for help with a button or a zipper, I would have helped him.

We told him all the above. Isaak said, "Mommy I wanted to go swimming!" I said, "Isaak I wanted you to go swimming to!" He looked at me kind of odd. I said, "Next time if you get ready when I ask you, we can both have what we want! I love you and want to spend time with you. I don't want to ask you many times to get ready."

This is the harshest discipline Isaak has gotten. He's had timeouts, gotten sent to the landing to figure out problems with Mica, sent to his room because he won't respect other people, but never something so dear to him taken away. Taking movie time from our kids is no big deal. They don't get to watch a whole lot of TV anyhow. But swimming is dear to him.

I questioned if we were being too hard on the little guy? Daddy said, "No! He wouldn't get ready. He didn't want to go bad enough." I know he's right. Looking at Isaak I see a boy trying to grow up, but I also see a baby still. Maybe I baby him too much.

I wonder if he learned? Is he going to get ready next time? I guess we will see.

We're Trying a New Tactic Out

We've found that our boys sometimes like the time-out chair. Daddy's been reading and listening to pod casts on parenting.

We cleared off the landing. Instead of separating the kids when they get in trouble, we put them together. They got in the fight, they have to figure out how to fix it. We cleared off the landing and that is where they go.

Does it work? We're not sure yet. We do hear them discussing how they are going to fix their problem.

For instance: The boys like to kick one another. It not out of anger, just fun for them until someone gets hurt. It went too far, so they went on the landing to discuss what they were going to do instead of kick one another. I wasn't sure if Isaak was able to discuss too much; because of his age. Guess what? He did. He said, "Mica instead of kicking one another we could kick a ball." That's progress, right?

This is what we are trying out. We're new to this way of discipline. The goal is for them to solve their own problems. It's that or talking to them with analogies that they can understand.

I do have to say that they after trying this, they do seem to work better with one another sometimes.

Yesterday Mica tried to overplay Isaak. He only wanted Isaak to put his new airplane together according to the instructions. I took Mica aside and said, "Mica do you remember when Mommy taught you how to put puzzles together?" He shook his head. I said, "I told you to put all the outside pieces together first. Then the middle ones. This made it easy to put together. After many times of putting it together you didn't do it the way Mommy told you." He shook his head. I said, "Directions are there to help you. Just like Mommy helped you with puzzles. After you know how to put something together, you can or Isaak can put it together any way you/he likes. Let Isaak put the airplane together the way he wants to." He seemed to get it.

A Bad Habit to Break

• Isaak's odd/new bad habit. I say this because he had the habit of spitting a long while ago; it stopped. Now this habit is back again.
• I gave Mica and him a bath. Isaak spit. I warned him to not spit, and told him that if he did it again he would have to get out of the bath. Well he did it again.
• I quickly rinsed him, and took him out of the tub, dried him off, set him in the time-out chair, got down to his level and told him why he was there. He was screaming, crying and not happy.
• After sitting their for 2 1/2 minutes, I asked him why he was there? He told me why. He apologized and we hugged. 
• While I was getting him dressed, he spit again! 
• Off to the time-out chair he went. 
• Only this time he wouldn't have it. He kept getting up out of the time-out chair laughing like it was a game. 
• I attempting five times; then resorted to sitting in the corner with his face against the wall. He actually stayed there.

What do you do for discipline?