Thursday, February 18, 2010

Do You Ever Wonder if You Are Doing the Right Thing?

  • I've spent my whole motherhood wondering if I'm doing the right thing for both of my children.
  • It started when I was pregnant with Mica and he was breach. I laid upside down on an ironing board just to try and make him turn naturally. I got a CT scan to see if there was room for him to go through me. I attempted to have them turn him from the outside, just so I could deliver him naturally. Little did I know how bad it would hurt, cause stress on him, and I didn't think about how I lacked fluid inside me that would help him turn. Looking back, I should of just had the C-section.
  • With Isaak I just had the C-section even though he wasn't breach. Maybe that was wrong, but that's what I did.
  • When Mica was a baby I didn't want to feed him anything but mommy milk. Of course he was born with a cyst under his tongue, and tongue tied as well. The cyst was lanced, the flap under his tongue (frenulum) was cut. His tongue was misshaped, so he wouldn't nurse right. I literally went to the extreme of feeding him with an medicine syringe filled with my milk, so he wouldn't get nipple confusion. Looking back at that, I think I was crazy.
  • Then Mica had to visit lots of doctor about his tongue. Such a waist when all they told us was to come back in 2 weeks over and over again! I should of asked to see a Geneticist doctor right away. I would of saved so much time and money! He had to be put through an MRI where he couldn't eat all morning for nothing because he was just fine. God I hate the unknown!
  • With Isaak I had to resort to feeding him formula because he wasn't gaining enough weight. I felt like I was breaking the law, and was in tears over that!
  • Then of course my kids were both mysteries for the doc's. Mica's had a staph infection and Isaak had meningitis. They couldn't figure out what was wrong with Mica, and with Isaak's meningitis doctors were baffled as to if his illness was viral or bacterial. They never did find out.
  • Lately I've questioned what preschool to put Mica in. We ended on our decision to put him in 2 different ones for next year. We're keeping him in the same one he's at now for consistency, they know him and he knows them. The other one is less expensive, and will strengthen his group skills.
  • I really questioned Isaak's bowed feet. His pediatrician and many sources say, "Leave them alone. They will grow out of it", and "Corrective shoes do nothing". In fact some sources say, "Corrective shoes hurt them". Then other sources say, "Put him in corrective shoes". I feel like we have all this money wrapped up in something I'm still not sure on.
  • I've just been questioning myself so much lately. After awhile I don't know if helping my children is really helping them, or hurting them. It's so annoying!
  • I wonder why do my kids have to have such odd things happen to them?
  • I went to a baby group when Mica and Isaak were babies for support, and I was the only one with these particular problems. No one could really support me for what I went through.
  • I love my kids, and they seem normal enough. But...they have gone through some things that doctors don't even have the answers for.

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