Thursday, February 5, 2015

Why Do People Read So Much Into Things?

I should learn to totally not state my opinion when it comes to people asking for an opinion on FB. 

The question that got me in trouble was...

One of our Moms needs your advice: "My toddler wants pink athletic shoes. He saw a - girls - pair at Target and keeps asking if he can get them. He does need new shoes but I'm worried he'll be teased for wearing 'girly' shoes. Any advice??"

Many people weighed in saying, "Get them." "Color doesn't matter." "Let him choose what he wants to wear." "Real men wear pink." and so on. 

I said,  "I wouldn't mind if my boys wore pink, but my husband would mind. I'd ask the dad what he thinks first. If it bothers him, then tell your son that you'd like to pick out shoes that goes with more things he has. Don't make it about the color. My son has a thing for gold, and glitter. I got him a bling tooth brush, tape dispenser, and stapler for Christmas. He loves them!"

The next thing I know I got these comments back...

"I don't ask my husband for permission to buy things for my son. Thank goodness my husband will let my son wear what he wants to wear regardless of color or style." and the worst was..."The dad has to give permission? What decade/country are we in???"

I'm pretty sure what I was saying was taken out of context. 

I said back..."The Dad in our house doesn't have to give "permission" to buy anything. I just ask if it's something I'm questioning. The mom is questioning if she should get pink shoes for her son. Trust me, I buy most the stuff in our house. Why can't the Dad be part of the shopping experience, since it is 2015?

My husband likes to do things like choose the color of paint on our walls, pick out furniture, and yes I do most of the boys clothes shopping by myself. I know that some styles my husband doesn't like, so most of the time I don't get them. He doesn't prefer Polo's, and my nephews wear them all the time. Mica has had a Polo shirt, and Dad said, "He looks like he's going golfing, or to a Catholic school." So...I don't get the boys Polo's. I did get the boys bow ties. My husband hates bow ties. My mom doesn't like them either. I got them anyhow because the boys love them.
The point is, is that everyone is entitled to an opinion. I'm not in a marriage where I make all the choices. If that were the case I might as well be single with kids.

My boys have never asked to wear pink. If they did, and I felt the need to ask for advice on FB, I'd first ask my husband before I would a bunch of strangers. 

My husband and I have had this conversation before about painting Isaak's nails. He doesn't like it. He just feel like he'll get picked on at school. He's ok with Isaak getting his nails painted for the weekend, so I've painted them during that time. 

I would never buy pink shoes for either of my sons. Not because of the color, but because both of my sons would have zero to wear with them. I'm a matchy, matchy kind of person. Mica has red shoes, blue shoes, brown boots, and dressy black shoes. His shoes match what he's wearing every day. 

If I did buy them pink shoes I'd expect comments from others. I obviously don't care that my boys have girly things. Think about what I bought Isaak for Christmas. 

Apparently on the thread I seemed like I was in the Stone Ages with my comment. 

Would you buy pink shoes for a little boy? Why? Why not? I'm certainly not here to judge your answer. I hate when people slap the judgement on me.  


Masshole Mommy said...

People can get real touchy sometimes and I definitely think your comment was taken out of context.

I agree with you. I would run it by their dad first before I bought something like that. Not for permission, just to see what he thought.

Unknown said...

Oh sister, you've hit on my single greatest frustration in all of life - moral high ground. Of COURSE there's nothing wrong with your opinion. You're in a MARRIAGE. Both the husband's AND the wife's opinions matter. It's possible that the people on Facebook read your comment as "It's not the wife's decision to make, it's the husband's" and if that's true, that's a shame. But I applaud you for having the right attitude.

Ai Sakura said...

I think your comment was taken out of context too. It's not about asking for permission, it's asking for an opinion and respecting that everything we do now, it has impact on the family. And yes frankly, if I wanted advice, first one I'd usually head to is my hubby. He's the one that "gets" me, and is easiest to reach anyway! :P

Ai @ Sakura Haruka

mail4rosey said...

My son's principal had on a baby pink shirt and white tie this morning. I thought it looked smashing. :)

Kim said...

I agree with your stance - if the person feels the need to ask others for their opinion, it only makes sense to ask what other family members might think. If a parent can't decide what the right call to make is, why not ask the other parent? It's not asking permission.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

It doesn't bother me. And it doesn't bother my husband. He's been incredibly supportive and happy to have a son that wants to do ballet. But I'm probably not the type to ask stuff like that on facebook. A can of worms! ;-)

Eat To Live said...

You know what I found out about facebook and some people. All they want to do is fight and cause trouble. That was your opinion... You know what I say. Screw them!!!!

Theresa Mahoney said...

It's so easy to rant at another when you have the protection of a computer screen in front of you. While I wouldn't have asked Jason or a stranger their opinion on the matter, I think it's great that you value your husband's opinion in doing what he feels best for your boys.

~ Noelle said...

I will ask Marc about some things, but I will also voice my opinion about things when he asks me. The end? We do what we think is best for our kid.
Broxton wanted some weird shoes one day, but then I said NO, because I knew he wouldn't wear them. *same thing would happen with pink shoes. I am not wasting money because he wants something one second but I know at the end of the day, he will not wear or use it.

Maryann D. said...

I do agree with what you said. I feel it was an appropriate answer. That is what I would have done.
twinkle at optonline dot net

Indah Nuria Savitri said...

I know exactly how it feels Alissa...well, that's the problem with social media...sometimes things get twisted :(


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