Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Children Should Speak Only When Spoken To - NOT

Do you really believe the title of this post? Please weigh in.

My kids talk A LOT. Do I tell them to zip it? Yes. Do I tell them, shhhhh? Yes. When I have a brain overload I just need it to be quiet. I usually just say tone it down please.

I have never told them, Children should speak only when spoken to.

I was talking to a co-worker about how my kids are huge eaters. That's all the conversation consisted of.  He does what he does, and started bringing up how children should be raised (in his opinion). 

He said, Kids need to learn to shut their mouths. They have no business talking to adults; unless adults talk to them. Children should speak only when spoken to. 

With this person I was talking to there's no arguing on what he says. It's as if his words trump anything and everything I could possibly say. I don't even try to get into deep conversations with him, but somehow they end up that way. I don't mind talking about deep things, but not with someone that shuts me out with everything I say. I think he could tell I didn't agree with him at all. I simply smiled, and walked away. It wasn't a happy smile. It was more of a smirk.

I do think it's funny that this guy gets calls from his kids all the time. His kids bring in his grandchildren during the day when we're not supposed to have kids at work during work hours. Guess what? His grandchildren talk without being talked to first. Do I have a problem with that? No. I could care less.

Why do I think kids should be free to talk?
  • They are supposed to be quiet at school when the teacher is talking, so they can learn. At home they need a release. I don't know about you, but when I'm at work I'm much more serious then when I'm at home. I have to be goofy myself sometimes.
  • Kids need to learn to stand up for themselves. If they are constantly told, Children should speak only when spoken to - then they feel as if they can't be a leader. This is a rough world we live in. Being a leader is an asset. We need strong leaders in this world.
    I'm not saying that kids should be disrespectful. My kids certainly are told that they need to wait to talk until the two people that are talking are done talking. It's not nice to interrupt. They shouldn't talk with food in their mouths.
  • If kids don't feel like they can talk then bad things that happened to them won't be talked about. I don't want my kids to feel afraid to discuss their feelings. Boys in general do not discuss their feelings as freely as girls. Their feelings matter. I'm happy to listen to them. 
    Isaak in particular is really expressive. If I didn't listen to him, I think he'd feel repressed. Mica on the other hand lets things roll off his back. 
I won this book off of Sakura Haruka. It just has feeling words, and you discuss what those words mean with your kids. Then I ask them to share examples with me of a situation where felt what the word expresses.  Isaak loves this book!
  • I don't know about you, but I learn things from my kids. They interject in conversations that we have, and we learn.
    Just this weekend we watched Space Camp. Mica said, "Hey there's Kate Capshaw. She's married to Steven Spielberg." I never knew that. I wonder if they fell in love on the set of Indiana Jones?
    Then this morning we were talking about Bill Murry. We were listing off the movies he's been in. Mica said, "He was in Little Shop of Horrors." Dad was like, "No he wasn't." Mica said, "Ya he was the patient." He certainly was.
These are just little things I can think of that I've learned from my kids. I've learned a lot more - than movie history. 

I'm not saying that kids should disrespect adults. They just should feel free to express themselves. Weigh in on conversations. They are people after all. Any more there are kids out there that are Inventors. One day they to will be adults. 

I want them to know their voice matters.

I want them to know that adults are safe to talk to.

I don't want them to be fearful of their feelings.

There is such a thing as freedom of speech. This should apply to everyone.

I want them to know they are the author of their own story.


mail4rosey said...

That's one of the stupidest most asinine sayings I've ever heard. Kids voices have huge value...mine and everyone else's too.

The Cranky said...

I want you to know that you're spot on Mom. =)

Erin said...

Agree completely! Children are people too. There is no reason that they should be treated as second class citizens in conversation or any other way.

Masshole Mommy said...

That is absurd. NO!

With that being said, my little one talks NON STOP all day, every day.

~ Noelle said...

There is NO WAY I could ever agree with that statement. The innocence and purity of children is what many adults NEED... not to mention that they are so very smart, if you do listen. Your co-worker is a little sheltered, especially if he feels that way, but doesn't have it in his own family.
Broxton loves to talk... and I love listening to him!

Betsy Barnes said...

I was never a fan of this saying, one reason, reminded me of growing up in the 60's. I could never get a word in or express my feelings, took years to break out of that mold. I let my son express himself, and of course, always was told how wrong it was by my parents. :)

Theresa Mahoney said...

No, I don't believe this either. Just because they are little doesn't mean they don't have something important or of value to say. Some days I want to hide from Allison because she Never. Shuts. Up. But I let her go on, and on, and on. Jason and I have a good laugh over it most days.

Eat To Live said...

WoW.... well of course kids need to be heard. If they are saying their piece they should be listened to. I don't think that kids need to use that voice to be nasty little humans though.

Terra Heck said...

I don't think children should be allowed to interrupt just to speak but I absolutely believe their opinions matter and people should listen to what they have to say too.

Indah Nuria Savitri said...

can't agree more...Kids need to speak freely and express themselves...We have this habit at home and we of course tell them when they need to listen to others as well...


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