Living With Dementia

My Grandma got Dementia in the late 90s. That's when she started sending me duplicate cards, for birthdays and other holidays.

Before that time she was really with it! She gardened, sewed, did cross-stitching, played games, swam at the Y and more.

When I had Mica and Isaak, she loved them so much! Her face would light up, when she saw them. She always called them "girls". Probably because she had girls of her own. Her oldest grandchildren were girls. Mica used to say, "She has bubbles in her hair!" Referring to her silver white curls.

There were two times that really scared me: 

1. When she ran away, while my Grandpa was in the shower. They had an alarm system that would go off if she tried to leave. It did. BUT he was in the buff, and she took one of his shoes.

An immigrate from Mexico found her hurt. He didn't speak any English, but helped her up, and called 911. She had a broken wrist. It was then, that they decided to put her in a home. Something My Grandpa and her promised each other would never happen.

Looking back - I wish I would have thought to do something. I envisioned putting a vinyl up of a book shelf on the door. Then she wouldn't think of it as a door. I was about to do it, but it was too late. They decided it was best to move her.

2. Towards the end she would get agitated being around a lot of people. Family gatherings were hard. It's best to have small gatherings, during the day time. When the sun goes down, they have more confusion. This is called, "Sundowning". She would gather all the paper plates to wash by hand. Then she'd try and leave out the garage door, which is where my Uncle had his Wood Shop. Not a great place, for Grandma to have been.

Why I'm bringing all this up: 

Mica was supposed to work with patients that have Multiple Sclerosis, Parkinson's, and Dementia this semester for his Healthcare Academy class.

The M.S. Forward group is amazing. They really try to be there for the students. They helped set up Goalball, play catch with the students (kind of a challenge when some of them can't see), plan cook outs and more.

People that have Parkinson's work with M.S. Forward.

Working with Dementia patients is a newish thing. It's been in the works all year. They just went on their first field trip to the home. After permission slips were signed, lunches were gotten, and the bus was called. Get this...the class gets there, and only 2 patients came out. The rest were too busy in the game room to come out. They were playing Solitaire and BINGO. I totally blame the Director of the home, not the patients, and not the teacher. It kind of makes me sad. I was so looking forward to Mica working with them. He started his life out with my Grandma, that probably seemed a bit crazy to him. When really she was a totally great person, who's brain was being attacked.

His teacher was so disappointed. She planned for it all year. The poor lady has had a difficult class anyhow. This not to happening field trip didn't help.

Random Tid Bits

1. Last week the students had off Good Friday, and this week they had off Monday. The Education Director was here, and has a centrally located office. One student did come in because she's a paid worker. She takes out the trash, and fills toilet paper and paper towels. The student came in from outside said asked the Education Director, "What am I supposed to do? The back doors are locked. I got locked out, so I had to walk around." He sat there awkwardly for what seemed like 2 or 3 minutes. Finally I piped up from a back cubical and said, "Is there something I can do? You have a few options: Prop the door open, while you do the trash, or I can unlock it. Just let me know which thing you want me to do? She decided to prop the door open. I too have faced some awkward moment with the Education Director. He's nice, just quiet.


2. My brother in law said over the holiday to my uncle, "I just don't like basketball." My uncle asked, "Why?" My brother in law said, "It's the squeaky shoes." I never really thought about that bothering anyone. 


3. Isaak got more jewelry from my Aunt that was my Grandma's. She handed him a whole box of costume jewelry. Oh joy more stuff we get to hold onto. He was pretty upset when he collected a ton of her rings, and was told to give most of them back. That kid cracks me up! He's a total boy with playing. He typically has some injury on his legs. He's proud of his battle wounds. He likes sports, Chess Club, gardening, and more. Then he'll turn around and dig crafts, and my Grandma's old jewelry. I love it! He amuses me.
   
   Isaak picked out this hair clip to put in my hair:
   
   
   
   
   

   It slid right on out. My hair is so slippery. It has zero texture.
   
   Travis picked it up, and said, "Hey there's my nipple ring. He put it in his chest hair. It gave us all a laugh. I think it held better there than in my hair.
   
4.  I've had Bennie and the Jets in my head for a week. I appreciate Elton John, but never really loved his music.
   
   Every morning this week I've gotten up singing, "Travis! Travis! Insert high pitch! T.T.T. Travis and the jets!" Later towards dinner I sing, "Mica! Mica! Insert high pitch! Ma.Ma.Ma. Mica likes his pets!" Then I start dancing with him. If he's in a good mood he loves it. I mean who wouldn't? Ha! We don't even have any pets! I really haven't sang it to Isaak.
   
5. I ran across these weird food at the grocery store. It was odd that the product was with the ice cream. I like macaroni, but this just grosses me out. Carbs on top of carbs with fake plastic cheese in the middle. In was also odd it was with the ice cream. Have you ever seen this product before?
   
   

   

   
   

Rest in Peace

My Step Grandma passed away a few nights ago. I haven't seen her in years - since high school. She and my Grandpa moved to California, and never came back.
 
My Grandpa was a Christian Scientist, and she was a Catholic. She was from the Philippines. An odd mix for sure. They met through mail. She was a mail order bride. In this day and age people meet over the internet.
 
My Grandpa had been married 3 times, but she's the only Grandma I knew on that side. My parents encouraged us to call her "Nita" even though all of her family called my Grandpa "Dad". My Grandpa didn't get married to her until after my parents were married. It had to be awkward to them to have someone in their lives that wanted to be called, "Mom". Especially when my Dad had two Mom's before that - one that birthed them, and one that raised them. Culturally in the Philippines they make everyone family. Here it's not that way.
 
My parents were always really nice to her. Accepting, but didn't think of her as, "Mom" and didn't want us calling her, "Grandma". 
 
She played the roll of a Grandma. She gave us rice candy. We thought it was so cool to be able to eat a wrapper.
 
I've always missed her homemade egg rolls and fried rice. Once she made purple sweet potatoes that we joked looked like play doh. We were kids. We weren't culturally exposed very much - except when we were with her.
 
I loved her ornate shirts, and her skin that never seemed to age. I was amazed at how fast she could talk in her native language.
 
We went to ethnic festivals because she had friends that were in them. They had pretty dresses that would twirl around. At their parties they would roast a hog with the hairs still on it. My Dad couldn't get over that one. The craziest memory I have of her was a get together where one of her friends taught me how to hum, and pluck my nose to make notes come out. 
 
My Grandma has been on bed rest, and was only alive because she was given feedings through a tube. It's good that she's at peace now. ‪
 
Even though my Grandpa and Grandma had their differences they did love one another. They both had pretty full lives.

Sing, Sing a Song Saturday

I started doing what I call Sing, Sing a Song Saturday.  I'm going to post one song on Saturdays that the boys or I like. 

The song may be part of a movie, a kid's video or just a song we like. I'll try and include why we like it and/or the history of the song/singer.

This week I'm going to show you someone I have no clue what her name is.

A Grandma walked into a drum shop, and started playing the drums. The worker's were amazed at her skills. She's pretty good!

Mica's Great Aunt Becky AKA Grandma Kent

Mica loves his Great Aunt Becky:

It's my Aunt Becky, which is his Great Aunt Becky, which he sometimes calls, "Grandma Kent". I don't mind that he calls her that. She never had kids of her own and she is like a Grandma to him. Plus it makes me think of my Grandma Kent that past away this fall. I think she'd like that Mica calls Great Aunt Becky, "Grandma Kent".

There were boys running all over and Mica sat on Becky's lap for much of the time we were at my sister Angela's house. I just have to watch him. Like any boy he's a wiggle worm. Aunt Becky got knee surgery done on both knees, awhile ago.

Mica's very huggy, a loving child. He he is singing a high tune. He goofy to!

How Do You Remember People?

My Grandma passed away last week. I wrote a post about my memories of her. The good memories. I posted about what I remember before she got sick with Alzheimer's disease. I was hoping some of my family members would read it. I think we got so hung up on taking care of someone that forgot who we even were, we were ready for her to pass. We didn't like seeing her suffer. Remembering her for who she was, is important to me.

As it turns out my Mom wants a copy of my post to be at the funeral tomorrow. My sister Terra added additional memories.

We had to skip out on the wake. The small town has a fall festival going on. Only 5 hotel rooms were available due to a cancellation. My Mom, my Aunts and my cousin coming from a ways away need the rooms. My Grandpa is staying with his brother that lives there. 

My sister Terra reminded me that Grandma always had hard candy that she offered to us in the car.  Her favorites were coffee candy and rootbeer cany.

I bought something I haven't bought in years (hard candy, the coffee kind to be exact) just to bring for the funeral. It's not the same brand that she used to buy. I wasn't going to drive all over town looking for candy. I'll offer one to my cousins. We'll see if they remember Grandma's coffee candy. We're the older cousins, so I'm not sure what the others will remember.

As far as coffee candy goes, people either love it, or hate it. Like I said, I just don't buy that kind of stuff, but I have had it and I love it. Maybe I love it because it reminds me of Grandma. Maybe I loved it as a kid because I felt like a grown up having coffee candy instead of coffee the drink. It was a sophisticated treat for a kid.

Source

So what do you do to remember people? Do you look at old photos, read old letters, stash thing that they used to have, or something else?

My Grandma, the Boy's Great Grandma

Traits of my Grandma (in no particular order):

She made us pink kitty sweaters and silky blankets. We carried the blankets all over the house.

She tended her own garden. I was amazed as to how fast she could cut the steams off of fresh green beans!

She fixed us wonderful home cooked meals.

She made us popcorn for a nighttime snack.

She always had the cookie jar full of small homemade sugar cookies. Maybe it was just for when we came, but I thought it was always full.

She was the best shanghai rummy teacher and player. She was pretty good at playing Rummy Cube and Chicken Scratch (a game with Dominoes).

She loved going to garage sales. She picked up a lot of great finds. Mostly she went for fun.

She loved babies and little children. They loved her.

She was Mica's best friend when he was a few years old. He even said so.

She had the best bubbles in her hair. Mica thought her tight, white curls were bubbles.

She had a lot of titles: Mom, Grandma, Great Grandma, Dorothy and my Grandpa called her "Dot." I misspelled her name most of my life. I thought it was Dorthy. It's ok because I called her, "Grandma." 

She was a good nurse. All of her daughters must have looked up to her because all four became nurses to.

She kept her house clean. She had a blue room and a pink room, where we slept when we stayed with her.

She kept a baby buggy, and a metal doll house for us to play with.

She kept all our letters and notes.

She paid for us to go to a movie when we visited. That was when movie prices weren't so expensive.

She made me an angel food cake for all of my birthdays; if we were visiting. I didn't have the heart to tell her I disliked angel food cake. It reminded me of eating a sponge. It was nothing against her cooking; I just don't like angel food cake. I always felt like it was the thought that counted.

She had the ability to raise one eyebrow, which said a lot. We knew when she disapproved of something. We also laughed about that raised eyebrow. Guess who else says a lot with his eyebrows? Isaak does! I think we might of made too much fun of her because she started plucking her eyebrows.

She came to our house, and my sisters and I waited at the window until her and my Grandpa arrived.

She watched Days of Our Lives, Johnny Carson and Dallas.

She was up before everyone else to make breakfast.

She always had hard candy for us in the car. Her favorites were rootbeer, butterscotch and coffee candies.

She helped us dye Easter eggs.

She bought us sweet tart candy for Easter time.

She was selfless.

Imagine how we felt when we found out she had Alzheimer's disease. The last ten years have been tough. She's at peace now. I love you Grandma!

Just before I learned of her passing today I saw these sweaters, which reminded me of something she would make:

I wish the boys would have known Grandma the way I knew her. At least Mica called her his best friend. For a little while they were at the same level. She grew down, while he grew up. Such a beautiful person she was!

Do You Recognize Him?

Mica went to Grandma and Grandpa's this morning to. He didn't have school today. He was hesitant when walking in the door. I'm like, "Go in Mica!" Then he walked awkwardly in. He said to Grandma Spiehs, "Hi you may not remember me. Do you recognize me?" Grandma started laughing. She's like, "I haven't seen you in awhile." Truth is, is that Grandma and Grandpa have been babysitting Mica once or twice a week his whole life. He's just been in school, so he hasn't seen them too much lately.

Helping Great Grandma Kent Unwrap Presents

• Something different happened this year; Great Grandma Kent forgot how to unwrap presents. 
• Mica was called over to help her. 
• He began talking her through it. He said something like, "Ok Grandma, see this spot right here. Put your fingers in there and rip it". He was doing a great job explaining how to unwrap a package! Most five year old's would just rip it open for her.

• Then it happened; Isaak went over to Great Grandma Kent, and started ripping her package open.
• A two year old isn't quite as informative as a five year old.

Isaak Teaching Great Grandma Kent How to Play

• The boy's love all their grandparents! We're so lucky that they have both sets of grandparents and one set of great grandparents! Not everyone has that.
• Here Isaak is teaching Great Grandma Kent how to play with this toy. 
• Great Grandma Kent has Alzheimer's disease and has forgotten how to do a lot of things. 
• Isaak takes pride in teaching her how play all over again.
• She wanted to play, and could not figure out how to pop the Mickey Mouse characters up. When they did pop up it startled her. She kept trying to play anyhow. We just reassured her that it was ok.
• I do love how the boy's like to include her. They run up and hug her. They play ball with Great Grandpa too.
• Mica called Alzheimer's disease, "Elder's disease".

Grandma

• Daddy told Isaak to hurry up and get in the car. He called him, "Grandma" because he was going slow. I know that's not right to say. There are plenty of Grandma's out there that move fast.
• Isaak said, "Daddy I not Grandma! I Isaak!"

Hanging With Grandma Spiehs